All Hell Let Loose

"I think i am old enough to have a boyfriend" i asked willingly looking towards my sisters.
Tola and Bola were glued to a drama series on Tv, Fola was busy setting the dining table while Sola was fidling with her phone. With that simple statement, the bubble busted.
"You must be out of your mind" Tola lashed out at me, her eyes ripping me apart.
"Leave her alone" Bola came to my defense. "The fact that you dont have a boyfriend does not mean ola shouldn't have!"
"Oh i see, i don't blame you at all" Tola returned "When all you do yourself is to jump around going to parties, meeting different guys and putting your reputation into disrepute."
"And as for you" she continued "i must not see a man come to this house asking for you"
I was going to say somethings when Fola, coming out of the dining room interrupted.
"Since when have you turned yourself into a Godmother" Fola asked.
"I wonder oh" Bola chipped in hissing
"See me see wahala, so you want to turn her into useless lots like both of you" Tola flamed
This was getting quite interesting cause i had 2 sisters by my defense, 1 against me and 1 unconcerned.
"Excuse me all of you" Sola said, standing up and facing all of us. I guessed she was sore angry cause we were disturbing her conversation with one of her you-know-whos.
"Look i'm on the phone right now and i need some peace, this is definately not an issue to talk about cause i think ola should be old enough to decide what she wants to do with her life" Sola ranted
I was elated and was smiling, when Sola turned to face me
"well for a girl of your age thinking about a boyfriend issue is simply out of words and imagination. Is that what you learn in school?"
One thing is i would kill you myself if you bring a bastard to this house"
Suddenly out of nowhere mumsies' voice sounded
"Why all the noise, wont you kids allow me sleep" she said coming inside the living room.
well nothing at all we all chorused!

i can tell you thats just the beginning.........

and i was right.



OolAa

Truth And Nothing But The Truth

I know you would have been guessing how i got to know lanre, sure you know lanre owns' this blog thing and i am his deputy. This was meant to be classified information but sitting down today with nothing coming up to my head to write down, i felt i had to go back memory lane and say something about us.
I met lanre at a cafe he was working then (just like 80% of the whole girls he knows...bitter truth). That day, i entered the cybercafe and turned to the get my ticket from the guy at the counter and i saw him smiling. Unexpectedly i made the first but silly move
"Do i know you"? i asked in all honesty
"No i don't think so but would you want too?" he replied
I laughed, my mind at war with myself. How on earth did i concede my ground to a guy like that. i felt so cheap despite all the lessons i had taken from my sisters but i had to get back on track and i did.
"You know i don't meet people they meet me, if you don't mind i have to be with my boyfriend online now cause i don't like keeping him waiting"
I won, i won. He couldn't say a word back. ha ha ha
i took my ticket pleasingly and i went away to go find a system. What is it with guys anyway when you tell them you have a boyfriend? They seem to recoil back into their shells. Anyway i sat down and continued with what i was doing which was purely checking my mails and hi5. I lied about coming to meet a boyfriend online. I was distracted when a guy pulled up a chair next to me and sat down.
"i don't know why girl's lie about having a boyfriend when she doesn't have one though i understand the rationale of praying to have one by proclaiming that which is what i would say you were trying to do" he said
To say i was not ready for him would be a huge lie.
"And how does that affect you even if i don't have a boyfriend"? i replied without looking at his direction.
"that would make me a happy man afterall,i think i would make a good profession when i go into tarot reading" he said smiling.
He stood up and he left immediately while i continued with what i was doing. Minutes later When i was leaving i tried locating him so that i could have a last word but he was nowhere to be found. I didn't even know his name then.
Guess what? Lanre stole my email id...How pathetic!
Months later, i was gsiting way with him, talking on the phone and replying his emails, even to the point of going over to the cafe to see him when i come around to abeokuta.
One fact i still hold to my heart is...I didn't know how it happened but i might have been jazzed up then (lol)

You didn't hear that from me, Did you?

Away!!!!!!!!!!



OolAa

Mild Encounter

I was taking a walk with two of my very good girlfriend's-Ope and Debola- one breezy evening when a car packed beside us almost knocking me over, and one funny looking guy opened the door and came ahead to meet us.
"Hey ladies, sorry about that (facing me) but i need to talk to you he said". i could tell it was a new line he had learned from his friend's and was willing to try it out on me. Poor guy he choosed the wrong girl on a wrong day.
I smiled briefly, looked across to my friend's who took my cue and tagged along trying to control their laughter.
I turned back to my ehmmmm October guest and i enquired "Sorry Oh, but can i be of any assistance to you".
He replied in the affirmative "yes".
Not wanting to give him a hell of a sniff of chance i continued with a mind game i learnt from my sister, Sola.
It's so good when you have loads of sisters like i do. You learn so many different ways on how to deal with the male folks.
"well then i take it you lost your way and was looking for someone to guide you out" i asked
"no no no not that at all" he said flashing a smile
Now i know where the conversion was heading to, just like all those other BOOTY SEEKERS but so sorry i had to squash it as early as possible...no wonder he almost ran me over when when he saw my backside...
"I'm so sorry i'm in a rush right now but could i get your name and number. Definately i would try and give you a call when i am free. Don't ask me if i need a ride cause we would like to walk" i said nodding to my friends
You needed to see the way the guy raced into his car hoping to find a pen and paper, which was where he had carefully kept it, he quickly scribbled down his name, phone and address (Good Lord! Give a guy a mile and he would jump the queue). He didn't know i sold him a hook and he swallowed it stupidly.
Now hmm hmm back to us
i took the piece of paper from him and said
"hey, i gotta run as my girlfriend's won't wait for me" turning to leave.
He didn't stop me and couldn't have (you wanna bet), he just stood staring at me going my own way.
Suddenly i turned back and told him in a plain old english accent like a typical righteous church girl would do.
"Hey Jide, i'm guess you were not staring at my BOOTY (pointing at it) but just in case you did i don't give it out like that and you really have to impress me for you to even dream of touching it not to talk of wanking"
Right there i tore the shit of paper he gave wrote his stuff on and tagged along to my friend's who were deep down in laughter...

He was embarrassed beyond words. Didn't he see i was only 17...Not that it shows anyway.....lol

what a jerk!


OolAa

2007-An Election That Might Never Be!!!

POLITICS (Sighs)! I dislike the violent and disgusting ways it is been played in nigeria by the current political class. It reeks of recklessness, danger, politricking and high level of bitterness. That 8-lettered word has maimed lifes, brought sorrows and untold hardship for family's whose loved one had been murder for its sake, and cut short the lives of young emerging leaders of tomorrow.
Its with this mindset, a deep feeling of bitterness and an onslaught against my wish that my parent will drag me-i don't see myself willing-to go ahead and register for this so called upcoming voters registration exercise for the supposedly to be held 2007 General Elections.
Don't blame me though. Watching the political scene been played across the whole 36 states, i can't help but wonder if there's truely going to be peace in coming months.
A show of shame between 2 so-called fathers and adult (The President and his Vice), EFCC madness in stopping corrupt personalities and percieved enemies not of democracy but of Mr President, Emergency rule recently declared in Ekiti State, Impeachment saga in Anambra and Plateau States, Politically motivated killings across the nation, INEC non-commitance for the forthcoming elections, Subvertion of the constitution and judicial rules, and The rage, violence, kidnapping spree and outrigt terrorism in the Niger Delta speaks volumes of my concerns that 2007 might just be "a normal year without an election".


LET US PRAY OH

Nigeria, through a Canadian's eyes: MARTEN YOUSSEF

FEATURED ARTICLE
Five guys surrounded me demanding N20,000 because i was taking a picture of some children playing football nearby. "Give us 20,000 Naira or we'll break the camera, now" they told me.
The people i was with got into the usual Nigerian yelling match that eventually turned into pushing. I tried to make sense of what was being said. I knew that if i left it to the two men i was with we may end up settling it the Nigerian way-a fist-fight, armed robbery or at best a migraine.
My friends were trying to conceal my Canadian looks and highlight my African roots-which meant i couldn't have enough to spare, but that didn't seem to calm their rage.
I had been warned about this.
"Are you sure you want to go to Nigeria," my travel agent asked me a few months earlier when i decided to accept a position as a human rights reporter in Nigeria.
"Are you aware that Lagos is one of the most dangerous cities of the world?" my employer from Journalists for Human Rights asked me.
Warning after warning, story after story, cases of 419 after 419, i heard it all. Many of the stories i heard may have been exaggerated, but their frequency was enough to convince me i was going into one of the most hostile countries i have ever been to. After travelling to seven countries throughout Africa, Asia and the Middle East, I thought i had seen it all.
But now i was face to face with the so-called "area boys" and they were now nameless characters in my own story, but i wasn't too certain this would have a happy ending.
Having spent two months in Lagos at the time, i was determined to live as the majority of Nigerians do. That meant everything from riding okadas, to eating pounded yam, amala, bush meat and forcefully eating gari.
At first i detested the attention i got when riding on okadas and eating amala with my hands, but slowly the frustrations turned into a smile and eventually i got quite comfortable with the attention. People were pointing in disbelief laughing at the oyinbo living like a Nigerian.
I magine these are the kind of dinner-table coversations in pidgin.
"Mama, you no go believe wetin i see today. Na one oyinbo for Ikeja, he dey chop pounded yam with im hands for buka!"
"Kelechi, you too dey lie!"
"Mama i see am, he even dey chop am with in hands."
Back to my encounter with the hostile crowd. I calmly took one of the boys by the hand and started walking with him towards a spot where people could see us.
The mob mentality says that people would do things in a group that they would never do on their own, so my chances of talking some sense into these guys was not going to happen by yelling at all of them.
"Listen man, this is not my country. But i am here because i care about this place. You can take all the money you want from me, break my camera and even hurt my friends and me but that will work against everything i am here for. You will absolutely ruin Nigeria's image in my eyes."
A few days earlier i was writing my impressions of Nigeria and i wrote:"It's easy, and sometimes more linguistically mesmerising to describe all of Nigeria as if it was one stagnant person. But it's hard to describe a family by one word, let alone a nation. I am slowly accepting the differences and extremes that i have encountered to all be a part of what Nigeria is.
At that time i thought i had seen the extreme, but when one of the boys surrounding me reached to take my camera, i had reached a new level of extremes.
I tried not to focus on the camera but to try to tell them why i am here, hoping they would realise that i probably care more about this country than they do. By putting my hand on their shoulders and holding their hands i was able to break down physical barriers.
By that time we had walked towards a safer area.
Being an oyinbo was enough to attract the attention of passersby let alone an oyinbo surrounded by area boys.
"Here is N400. It means nothing to me. But i want you to know that i am not giving it to because you earned it or deserve it. I am giving it to you because i am scared of you, and that is so wrong. It's because of guys like you that Nigeria is upside down man. You can't keep intimidating people like this."
"We are not intimidating people," one of them interjected.
"So you mean to tell me that i have a choice in giving you the money? Look man, you guys are really ruining this country. Nigeria is not my home and i am leaving in a few months, take the N400, but i beg you for the sake of your country and for the sake of your people stop intimidating foreigners like this."
"We can't help it. We don't have money," another one said.
"So just because you don't have money you go around harassing people? How would you like it if you leave your country, your family and everything you know and go into a country where you don't know anyone, and then you get harrassed like this? It sucks, it really does. Especially when the reason why i am here is the same reason why i want to get the heck out of here. It's the people man. But, now i am going to tell all my family and friends back home, and how do you think they will see this place as. No one will want to step foot into this country. Why? Because they are afraid of people like you. Is that the kind of reputation you want your own country to have?"
I don't know if these words were going through one ear and out the other, perhaps they've even heard it all before, but i sensed by their silence that maybe they were starting to regret what they did and feel somewhat ashamed that an oyinbo could care for their country more than they could.
One of his accomplices took his friend by the arm and gestured for him to leave. And they left.
"No, no, no. You are going to take the N400 to remember this," i said.
Having been here for three months i have reached the conclusion that Nigeria is a nation of 140 million different personalities. There are 140 million different ways to be treated. Sure there might be consistencies and stereotypes, but i am accepting that and realising how much that limits my creativity in describing Nigeria. But at the end of the day, i am slowly starting to see people as individuals with struggles not so different from mine, before i see them as a part of a nation


MARTEN YOUSSEF
(This article was culled from the punch)

On Brother, Where art thou?

At times i think about what it could have been like to have a brother at home. My parents probably would have been thinking about the same thing day in day out since i was born but being in their liberty stage i don't think they would want to try to have another baby. What if it also turns out to be a girl! Ha my parents will definately abandon us at home cause we're a handful already.
It could be fun having a brother cause i feel envious when i see my friend's play with them brothers though i feel slightly annoyed when any of their brothers try to mess up with me telling me stories that are not worth writing in a book, like they do with some of my girlfriend's friend
I just can't think of having an affair with any of my friend's brothers. What would my sisters say when they find out i did that? and if i had a brother who does that then only the heavens would come down to settle what would be termed as the second civil war in Nigeria.
Oh Brother whereever you are i miss you though life has to go on without you...i think i have to leave at this point cause i might go crazy with tears!!

(Door Closes)



OolAa

SISTERS' ACT

I hope you know that if any of my sisters reads this post i am about to write or any of their friend's squeals on me after reading it, it will sure earn me a smack from each of them but i can't stop the temptation of divulging their secrets to the whole world...talk about a prodigal sister...
Here i go;
Tola:The first of five girls, Tola has a cool attitude. She's quiet, homey and doesn't like involving herself in our silly girlish giggles which is one reason i am so endeared to her. I must also say i rarely get spanked by her (hope she won't change overnight).
Like all simple and gentle human beings, Tola has a character problem which is the fact that she's a perfectionist and choosy when it boils down to things affecting her including guys. Many a to-be boyfriends will attest to this that it was just a wrong attitude or trait that disqualified them for tola's hands in a relationship.
In as much as she has this ego problems, most guys don't know what it takes to woo away an homey-type kinda girl...shhhhhh my sister's a sucker for icecream and she often fantasizes about building an ice cream factory (i wonder what that is anyway?). She's a recent graduate with a degree in English.
Bola:Typical characters of a second born are the obvious traits of Bola, i mean you could easily deduce that by her jumpy behaviours. Mean, aggressive and a loud mouthed person..Gosh...i have earned more knocks from her than all the people i have met in my entire life combined together. Talk about the Devil's advocate and i bet Bola would be a better partner.
A smart chic and on the brilliant side...one of us has to be a genius abi...Bola's a fashion freak and she loves parties and dinners. I can't count the number of parties and dinners she has been to. You could win her over by giving her an expensive treat typical of any law student you would meet. She's fun to be with and presently studying Law.
Sola: All Sola do all day is to sit on the phone for hours gisting with her girlfriends about GUYS! GUYS!! and more GUYS!!!. Sola's crazy and obsessed about guys and i mean every word of it. An outgoing girl and the most beautiful out of us all...she never hesitates to flaunt it flamboyantly even to us, her sisters...Sola is adorable and hardworking.
I like her anyway cause i do recieve so many unwanted gifts left for her by her numerous callers and visitors which she didn't want to see, so i help her out by lying and i guess those gifts are for our unrelenting partnership that seems to have solidified with every more lie i make on her behalf (Ha ha ha).
She's into Accounting at the university.
Fola:Show me a girl who could drive a man crazy with her hard stance and constant degree of nagging and i would prove to you that she ain't mo match for my Fola. Fola can complain (OMG-Oh My GOD) and you need to see her when she starts!whew!
C'mmon that doesn't mean she's terrible, far from that, my honourable sister would win any guy over with her cooking skills. !yummy! She's a good cook and i would recommend her to any guy except that she's already overhooked with five guys now, lol, i am not joking.
Also into fashion but not as crazy as Bola, she has a good taste of design and colours. I don't need to tell you what she's studying in the university though she's a fresher but i would cause you would never guess it right anyway...Medicine.

Do i need to tell you about me? Hell no cause you know already don't you? Didn't i tell you i am the envy of my sisters? well i am and its not going to stop any sooner cause by far i am the most well endowed with what it takes to knock a man off his feet...a BIG BOOTY

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


OolAa

Bootylicious; Mind of a Sweet 17

I am not a writer as such and will tell you confidentially that i accepted this weird but obviouly going-to-be interesting proposal from the owner of this blog to write about myself and my life so far.
After much begging, sweet-talking and a signed agreement on a 50/50 splitting on whatever spoils he gains, i decided to brace the odds and give it a shot.
BACKGROUND
I was hounded unwillingly into this wild wide world on Feb 14, 1991-i overheard it was raining cats and dogs on that day-into an existing family of 6 (My parent and 4 other girls).OH NO! Not another girl my mum would have exclaimed but as for my pop, i guess he'd be thinking about all the future dowries that would make him a rich man and the troubles that lie with living with 7 women in the house.
FAMILY MEMBERS
I couldn't wait to be integrated with the rest of my family members which was why i was discharged with my mum on time cause i didnt even shed one single tears..what a nice baby they must have thot back then...
Like i told you earlier on i have 4 sisters and living with 5 girls in the house wasn't so much fun for me and i do miss the presence of a brother (worth talking about someday).Characterized by occassional skirmishes, quarrels, beef and envy, i must say i grew up pretty fast for my age.
As in a usual yoruba norm, our names followed a particular trend; Tola, Bola, Sola, Fola and me,myself and i-Ola.
I hope you know that 4 different girls with 4 obviously different characters would add up to so many adventures for me with all of ehmm trying to woo me to their own way of lifestyle...I'll be talking about all my sisters in the next post and i do hope you won't want to miss any of it.
Hey! You know what,my mum's screaming my name in the background so i have to scram.see ya pretty soon


OolAa

The Next Movie Star 2006: The Revolution

From October 21st-November 19th 2006, 16 contestants; 8 girls and 8 guys would be slugging it out in the Next Movie Star 200 reality show.
With mouth-watering prizes for the winners the last has definately not been heard about this new reality show which made its debut last year.
The 16 household;
Barbara,
Robert,
Onaghie,
Toritseju,
Kevin,
Belinda,
Philips,
Moyo,
Kanyinsola,
Alloy,
Nita,
Segun,
Micheal,
Biola,
Kayode and
Porttia hope to stay for 30 days in the house after which the most talented and creative among them will emerge as the Next Movie Star 2006.
NMS Crew will visit 15 cities, which includes Lagos, Ago Iwoye, Abeokuta, Ibadan, Ife, Akure, Abuja and Port Harcourt. Others include Calabar, Kaduna, Jos, Benin-City and Enugu.
It promises to be an outstanding event.
I'll keep you informed.

Midnight Calls: A Rip Off?

I'm pissed off and soon you'll know why. I'm pissed off not because of someone in particular but because of the seeming injustices been melted out to Nigerians. What the hell am i talking about? It's all about this so called MTN and GLO free midnight calls. I mean it smarks of total disrespect for the Nigerian people. Who do they thing we are? Morons?.
After much media hype on both radio and tv, and persuation from friends and family, i decided to migrate on both networks so as to see the rationale if there was more to it than it meets the eye cause honestly apart from the fact that a normal person would and should have been asleep by that time (12am-5am), i just didn't feel the gains to willingly offer free midnight calls.
All well, set and okay,today i deprived myself for close to 2 hours waiting till midnight (i normally sleep around 10pm). Around 12.45am, i had 2 phones with me, one with my MTN sim while the other had my Glo sim.
And there it was, the rip-off, the charade called free midnight calls. For close to 3 hours, i tried frantically and frustratingly, dialling several numbers on both networks but none of the numbers went through...it was all NETWORK BUSY on both sims.
Alas my MTN went through but it was too late. How in GODs' name would i start explaining to the person why i choosed to call around 4am in the morning so i had to disconnect the call and in my agony picked up my pen to write this article. As for the GLO it was the same old story. Also considering the fact that i had enough credit on my MTN sim which i was willing to spare to make some calls and i couldn't use it was simply annoying. Between both networks, i made calls to 71 numbers and only 1 rang...So Sickening.
In as much as it might be a good offer for some people, i think as end consumers, it's high time we know our rights. If i could decide to stay up till midnight just to enjoy making free calls, then i think i deserve a better service from both network providers. I hope they take a cue from providers like Starcoms and Multilinks which offer free weekend calls to their consumers, at least i don't have to dial a number twice before it rings.
Enough is enough...

I'm going to BED!

Naija Artiste; Moving Ahead of Time

Yet again naija artiste have shown how good they are amongst the globe and better still in Africa.At the Channel O Spirit of Africa Music Awards held in South Africa last Sunday, Our artists were on stage again not as presenters but as the winners of various awards.
Mode 9 won three awards; Best Director, Best Hip-hop award and an award for the Video of the year (Cry). Next on the spotlight was African Queen lyricist, 2Face Idibia who won in Best African Pop and Best African West with Ole.
Sensational artiste D'Banj went home with the Best Newcomer award with Tongolo, Lagbaja won in Best Male award video category with Never Far Away.
Ijoya, undoubtly the best video i have seen so far lived up to its billing and won Wierd MC the Best Special Effect award, Dare ArtAlade took home the Best R & B video while Nigeria's DJ Fresh got the Best Disc Jockey award.
It was a night of glamour and fame which once again proved to the whole world that naija's entertainment industry is definately the best in Africa.

Kudos!!!

African Football!!! A Rude Awakening

It was considered an impossibility by quite a handful, definately unheard of by many and totally unacceptable by the British media that there was a seeming possibility of African players dominating not only the prestigous Baclays English Premier League but football leagues all over the globe in the nearest future.
Setting the antecendent back then were people like Lauren Pouko of Cote d'ivoire, Roger Milla of Cameroon, Haruna Ilerika and Muda Lawal of Nigeria, Sunday Ibrahim of Ghana, Kalusha Bwalya of Zambia and George Weah of Liberia to mention but a few who for years dazzled and made a case for Africans on the European turf.
Bouyed by Nigeria's impressive USA 94 Team, arguably the best team Nigeria ever had and the exploits of the Atlanta '96 Dream Team, the influx of African footballers going on trials in Europe and showcasing their talents in other continents became a reality.
Nowadays names like Didier Drogba, Austin Okocha, Samuel Eto'o, Micheal Essien, Didier Zokora had become household names in Europe while the likes of Mikel Obi, Solomon Kalou, Benni McCathy basks in their europhia of fame. With majority of Africans commanding a starting line up in their respective teams, it thereby didn't come as a suprise that FIFA decided to grant South Africa the hosting right of the 2010 World Cup.
Its becoming a sure thing that very soon (probably in the year 2022), an African team would win the most damning trophy in the World, The World Cup....

Branding Nigeria; Project Nigeria

The 2004 Transparency International Corruption Perception Index listed Nigeria as the third most corrupt country in the world in a 146 country survey, ahead of Haiti and Bangladesh, the most corrupt country and the second most corrupt country respectively.
This disgraceful ranking of Nigeria which was largely due to corruption, money laundering, embezzlement of public funds, mismanagement of the nations resources and poor infrastructural coupled with inconsistent economic policies, was a total shame unacceptable by the nation and that lead the OBJ government to begin a proces of rebranding our beloved country, Nigeria.
Since the intensity of the project took on a mad-rush, i can't help but wonder in amazement the quality of Nigeria's corporate brand asset been repositioned globally.
America, places great emphasis not on its natural gas, but on her corporate brand asset such as Yahoo, Bank of America, Google, Microsoft and many others which had become the backbone of the American nation.
I have equally been impressed by Nigeria's owned corporate brand asset such as Glo, Transcorp, Access Bank, UBA, a host of others and some of our foreign brand asset like MTN Nigeria, Celtel, British American Tobacco, British Council etc.
Also in the entertainment sector, the recently concluded THISDAY Music Festival 2006 was a huge success in selling the Nigerian dream, Big Brother Nigeria also help boost Nigeria's image internationally while TINAPA, a business resort in Calabar, has become one of nigeria's chief bride in the tourism sector.
So far so good it's been a great job getting Nigeria back on its right track as Africa's finest and with the huge resources already expended on this project, i hope we will all have the cause to smile in the near future.